Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
vagina is talking i cant
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
