Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
