My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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