your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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