All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
