those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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