went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
