After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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