It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
