If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
