i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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