i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
