Your tits are I can't wait for
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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