Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
