Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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