I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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