yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
