We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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