Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
