Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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