i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
