he wants to bone in the snuggie
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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