Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize