Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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