I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
