After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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