And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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