You smell like stripper and shame
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
