I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Everything about him screamed your future.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
