3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
