Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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