At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
