its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize