I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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