Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
