Yo dont text me then not text me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
