I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize