It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
