new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
