Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
