What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
