Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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