I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
