If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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