im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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