I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
