her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
