I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize