i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
