We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize