im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
