Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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