Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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