The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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