you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize