yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
