I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
