that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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