can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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