Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
