my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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