Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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