I can tuck mytits in my pants
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
