apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
