All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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