i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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